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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. When we eat out, she says, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She makes video blogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be involved. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to several brand events, which was nice, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend helping her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I don’t want our connection to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or inauthentic, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY film-making.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone likes being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private filmmaker, but friends help each other in small ways. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like asking before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

The Jury: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop recording herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic memories, where true emotions are stored, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?